A lot of people don't know this but YES you can get adopted at ANY AGE! That's right, any age. For me, that age was 18. I was adopted on December 8th of the year 2010. I knew my adopted family from the age of 16 however.
I had first met the adopted parents while I was in a treatment center. I remember thinking, "Damn, these people are young and pretty. No way they're old enough to be parents!" No, they were. They talked about how they had 3 children of their own. How they were foster parents to my older sister. They talked about their goats and dogs. They seemed like really nice people.
We would visit often. They became a big part of my treatment and my life. On New Year's Eve of the year 2008 I ended up getting my nose broken... and that night changed my life forever.
The night I got my nose broken I was standing up to a bully for someone who wasn't able to. That pisted the bully off. Her hand met my face which was introduced to the door frame and SNAP! Blood gushed everywhere. Pain ran its way through my nose up to my eyes until my entire face felt like it was being hammered by a thousand shock-waves. I blacked out.
I woke up in my room at the treatment center but by the end of that afternoon I was being told to pack my bags and I was gone. These people who had been visiting me, that wanted to adopt me had called my caseworker and pulled me from my treatment center.
I ended up moving in with them. That's when I felt like I was on a never-ending roller coaster ride. Constant ups and downs. I loved my soon to be adopted parents but after a while, I really started to hate them and then resent them.
I wasn't their perfect little child. I liked girls and didn't believe in god. I didn't care for the religion or to even be a part of it. The fact that they were Mormon and I wasn't really got in between us. I only lived with them for a short amount of time before I was shipped off to treatment once again. I was sent to a short-term treatment center called UNI.
I started to hate them after being accused of watching porn. I had to do a school project on anatomy and had warned them about this. I closed any pop-ups that had happened but never deleted any of the history. Why would I? Well, apparently that got me into trouble. That night I had come home from work and I was drilled. They told me I was looking at porn and that I was in so much trouble. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I tried to explain to them that there were pop-ups but I had closed everything that came up and that I wasn't late to work so I was off by the time I was supposed to be. They had accused me of something I hadn't done and not once did they care to hear me or let me tell my side. I was instantly incriminated.
I no longer could see friends, have my door closed. I had to be downstairs and was imprisoned inside of my own home. I felt suffocated and disgusting. I hated them. Everything went downhill from there.
I started self-harming again and causing problems. I never listened or did chores. I always gave them attitude. I no longer respected them. I started to have dreams of suicide and drugs. At first, I would write poems about my dreams and I would even write about smoking pot again, although I hadn't actually done it. I was always taught in therapy to write in a journal and express myself. SO I was. I wrote a poem about the dreams and escaping. I never once actually wanted to kill myself. One day they had found these poems and writing of drug use and I was sent away to another treatment center. (The one mentioned before... UNI).
Once again I tried to explain this and I wasn't listened to. I was placed on a suicide watch for two days at UNI. I didn't want to see them. Ignored phone calls and visits. I was only there for a month or two before going to two more treatment center by the time I was 18. On May 13th of 2010, I not only graduated from the treatment center but also from high school. I moved into my final and last foster home that weekend.
I was only in the home for a short time before getting my own place. I was still in states custody but was living on my own with a job and attending college. It was a very hard decision for me to make but I finally got adopted in the year 2010 on December 8th. I say it was a hard decision because deep down I knew they weren't the family for me. All they ever wanted to do was control my life. Even as an adult.
Because of everything I was in my past, to them, I would never change. I would be rich just from every time I heard them say things like...
"You will always be the same old Monikah" or "back to your old tricks" to "There is the old Monikah".
I would hear this over and over again. I felt as if nothing I did in my life was good enough for them. Like I was that one screwed up child that they were stuck with and couldn't get rid of.
So why did I get adopted? How do I feel about them now? Has anything changed between them and me?
I got adopted to get out of foster care, to become my own person, and because despite all the shit... I loved them. They were my parents. I think in a way I was trying to replace my bio mom and dad(s). I never grew up in a family that I could call my own and if I got adopted I would be able to finally say, "That's my family!" I thought having that family would help me to cope and move one. I not only wanted but needed a family... I needed someone to finally call me their own! And they were there, willing to give me that. So I got adopted.
l love them but I do not care to have them in my life. Lots have changed between them and I but nothing for the better. I no longer talk to them and we are no longer involved in each other's lives. Yes, I do miss them sometimes. And I think about them and my 3 siblings (their bio kids) often. I wonder how they are doing. How things are. But my life, my relationship with my husband and my kid have grown so much without them in it. My husband and I have a much better relationship now. I am no longer stressed about pleasing them or trying to prove to them that I am a good person, a good spouse, a good mom. I am longer worried about what they think of my life choices or my husband. Their opinion no longer matters to me. I am a better mom to my daughter as I'm not worried about what they will think of how I parent or raise my kids. I no longer care nor am I worried about their JUDGMENTS!
I am proud of who I am and where I have come despite all the shit in my life. I have made a life worth living. I have gotten out of debt and am now helping my husband finish up his. I honestly think that my life would not be where it as gone in the last 6 months if they were still involved in my life.
So we love from a distance. I do miss them from time to time. I struggle with forgiving my adoptive dad as he is the one who as hurt me the most but I am working on it for me and my family. When holiday's come up it's hard because sometimes I do want to drive down and say hi, let them see their grandchild(s). But I know in the end that would only be a mess of problems.
A family is whats in your heart and life. Not necessarily the distance between. I am thankful for what they have done for me like helping with my wedding, being there when I gave birth to my first child, being there when I needed to talk about my relationship, or when I was going through the last 2 years of my bio mom and stepdads trial. Although they have done a lot of negative they have also done a lot of positive and for that I am grateful.
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