I often get asked about my time in foster care. If I liked it or would recommend it. My response to that is NO unless the child was in harm's way AND there was NO BIOLOGICAL family to take in the kid.
I was in foster care from 11-12 then home again for a few months then back again from 12-18 1/2. I hated it. Was it all bad? No. But I did have a lot of bad moments. Let's start with the bad and end with the good, shall we?!
When I was 12 I lived with a family in Payson, UT. I had my own purple room and was the only foster child. At first, things were good. We cooked dinner every night and played games together like families do. After a few months, they started to change. The foster dad started to yell at me. He became really mean. My foster mom paid no mind to my cry's and complaints. Near Christmas that year I was watching t.v. My foster dad came into the room and took the remote out of my hands. I told him to give it back that I wanted to watch tv. He laughed saying that it was his house and he did what he wanted to.
I called for my foster mom and threw a 12-year-old tantrum. He got annoyed at me and threw the remote at my head causing me to bleed calling me a baby. I ran into my room terrified to come out as I knew he would be even more mad for making a scene about it.
It didn't stop there. He would grab my arm, hit me, and yell at me. I was made to do everything in the house. I tried to tell my caseworker about this but she disregarded me. I stayed in that home for 2 months dealing with this before I moved homes.
I have been in many homes where when things got too rough for the foster parents they kicked you out. From one home to another I learned to not unpack my bags. I knew nothing in the foster system was permanent. No home, no therapist, no family.
I was a foster child. I was a liar, a manipulator, a bad child. If I did go to my case worker about something that was happening she would push it aside. Like I was trying to move home because I didn't like to do chores or whatever. But I was abused in a lot of homes. As a child in these homes being shoved around like a doll in a shipping box. You never stay with one person. You learn to not believe in family.
Foster children are treated differently. I was felt like I was just that. A foster child! Their kids were treated special, spoiled, loved, etc. While we did the chores, cleaned, etc. However, they weren't all like this!
My very first foster home I was in was pretty great. I lived there with my sister and another foster girl. We built a go-cart from scratch and we drove it around the neighborhood a lot. There was one time I threw my sister off the back of it on accident and she flew across the road. That was pretty scary. Another time we were home alone and she was sweeping or something and the handle was made of wood. Well, it snapped and it went right into her arm. Our foster mom at the time came home and took her to the Dr's. They were a great family. Even went to go visit them a year or so ago and found out that they had moved and divorced. We were sad about that.
I had another foster mom named Sherry. We lived in Provo, UT. and I loved her! She was the one who was there when I found out that I was abused as a kid by my own mother. The one who held me and told me everything was going to be okay. She cared about us. Her husband Glenn was the best as well. I remember going out on the weekend to look for rocks just to come home and cut them in half to see what was in them. We helped with dinner and chores. We were able to go out with friends. We went on vacations with them instead of recpiet. (sorry not sure how to spell that!) They were a family!
Where they perfect? NO! I got grounded and had to do extra chores when in trouble. I lost privileges and wasn't allowed tv time. I remember they called the cops on me twice the year and a half I was in their home. One for fighting with another foster child, and two for not coming home one night. I was called in as a runaway. They cared. I was never abused by them.
This is the good about foster care. There are foster parents out their who aren't in it for the money. They really do care about the kids and their well being. They want to change lives for the better, Not for the worst. The homes that even when it gets hard with one child they push through it looking at the good in them. The sad part, there aren't many of them out theirs. If money wasn't involved how many foster or proctor parents would their actually be?! My guess... Not many.
That's why I always say it's not meant for everyone. If you have another option do it. Try a grandparent, aunt or uncle first. Foster care isn't always the best nor the safest option for kids. But that doesn't mean its not a good option if all else fails.
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